Today, I got into Thesaurus.com to help me with some synonyms in my writing, and what do I see on the front page but a banner proclaiming ‘YOU CANKER-BLOSSOM!’, labeled ‘3 Shakespearean Insults’.
It gave me a chuckle, and I thought – what better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than coming up with other, equally hilarious insults? Not necessarily Shakespearean, but just as fun to employ in a tirade.
You Blubbering Bumpkin!
You Crumb-Curdled Crumpet!
You Buck-Toothed Baboon!
You Pork-Faced Ninny!
You Lack-luster Handkerchief!
You Scum-eating Scoundrel!
You Glorious Gargoyle!
You Crumb-Licking Loony!
And, on that note, I feel inspired to write the story that includes the character who spouts all these things. I thought about referencing this list now and then whenever I need an insult in a less-than-totally-serious story, but why settle for just one here and there? After all, what could be better than a character whose claim to fame is always throwing some new ridiculous insult at someone, and including them ALL IN ONE BOOK? It would definitely be good for a laugh.
What hilarious insults can YOU come up with?